Coward's Logic

Without my dude on the back burner, I was forced to reach back into my dating missteps to find some entertainment when birthday present bailed on me without warning. With the World Series freshly over, I found myself newly connected with adorable, mixed sports-lover. We cheered for opposite teams, but tension sparked feisty texts. We met at a club, danced, flirted. At a diner afterwards, I began to remember his issues. He’s terribly afraid. I’m not sure what inspired his dating phobia, but talking with him reminded me of his deep cynicism. He claims that he hates sex, finds cuddling repulsive, and consistently exclaim, “What’s the point? I’m going to end up alone anyway.” As with all things, he comes on quite strong—sharp and bitter like poorly sweetened lemonade that hits you right in the jaw with a surprise stab. Without even considering his friend’s presence at the table, I reminded him that he enjoyed sex when we had it and then afterwards he fell asleep in my arms. “That was different,” he protested, “I was drunk.”

I imagined us on the street, me calling him a cab and telling the driver, “The nearest AA meeting, please.” This type of destructive thinking is the loud coward’s logic. Unlike most cowards, some think they can mask their craven thoughts with bravado, boisterously claiming self-imposed platitudes that no one would dare dispel. The logic, however, reveals a glimmer of hope. The loud coward tries to capitalize on the win/win situation. If my former love interest does wind up alone, he can always bitterly claim “I told you so.” However, if he finds someone with whom he can enjoy sex and stand to cuddle afterwards, then he still “wins” because he reaches partnership with an individual he loves and wouldn’t mind being wrong. I explained this to him. He changed the topic. Typical: what makes a coward craven is his inability to face his own fears. I suppose he wouldn’t even name this trait as cowardly or fearful. I’d bet he call himself pragmatic.

He did say something interesting while we were out. He said that a man is not ready to enter into a relationship until he has faced the fact that he could very well spend the rest of his life alone. Once he becomes content with the prospect of being alone—not lonely, but alone—then his relationships will be much stronger.